Morning and Evening Meditation - Step 11
From page 86,87 and 88 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Part 1. Evening Meditation
Big Book page 86:
The first paragraph on page 86 gives direct instructions about what to do each evening before bed. This is the 1st part of the 11th step. Here we will break down the paragraph and make clear what the Big Book authors tell us they do.
Let's look at the first portion of the paragraph.
Big Book:
When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?
The big book authors state "when we retire at night we constructively review our day". They tell us this is what they do at night. If we are also going to follow the program then we should do what they do. So each evening before bed, we review our day and ask ourselves these questions, one at a time, pausing and giving each some thought.
Take a few minutes on each one and search out your memories of the day.
Was I resentful?
Was I selfish?
Was I dishonest?
Was I afraid?
Do I owe an apology?
Have I kept something to my self that should have been discussed with another person at once?
Was I kind and loving toward all?
What could I have done better?
Was I thinking of myself most of the time or was I thinking of what I could do for others, of what I could pack into the stream of life?
After asking yourself these questions you now have a "days review". A review is like an inventory isn't it? How about that! So what you've just done is a single days inventory and hopefully caught any faults, defects of character or short comings that may have come up. We try our best to practice the 10th step during the day and "when we are wrong promptly admit it" but, of course, we are all human and some days make mistakes and slip up on applying the principals in all our affairs and not promptly admit it when we fall short. The 11th step evening review is the catch all at the end of the day. Through doing this portion of the 11step we take a final look at where we might have fallen short spiritually. So now you may be asking yourself; now that I have this days review what do I do about it? Well that's just what the Big Book authors tell us after these words of advice.
But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others.
This portion of the paragraph is advice. Let's take a closer look at what this sentence is saying to us.
For people that may be prone to depression, self loathing, low self esteem etc. They should be careful to remember none of us is perfect. If you feel like this give yourself a break and keep in mind that with an attitude of worry, remorse, depression or self loathing it is difficult to be helpful or useful to other people. The book says. "for that would diminish our usefulness to others". The definition of diminish is "lessen" or "make less". Helping others is what the Big Book plainly says is our purpose. " To be of maximum service to God and those about us." It is in this move toward "selflessness" that we seek and know God better and continue to grow our spiritual condition. After all, we are attempting to maintain and grow our spirituality and continue our spiritual experience (Appendix II in the AA Big Book) which gives us relief from our illness each day. (We have a daily reprieve based on being spiritually fit)
Now after the words of advice we find out what to do with our days review.
Big Book:
After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.
Let's look at this sentence. First it simply says that after our review "we ask for Gods forgiveness" So we should just make a prayer asking for forgiveness. I believe it doesn't need to be complicated, God knows our intention. Here's what I usually say.
Prayer: God please forgive me for my mistakes today, please help me to do better.
The next sentence states "and inquire what corrective measures should be taken".
Here we are asked to make another prayer. I say a prayer like this.
God please show me what to do to avoid these mistakes in the future. I seek your inspiration. Thy will not mine be done.
Now, let's think about this a minute. The Big Book authors say that they "inquire". Inquire is the same as asking right? So we simply just ask God "what corrective measures should be taken".
How about that? The Big Book authors suggest we ought to ask God what we should do to correct our mistakes. Doesn't that imply that we might get an answer? Yes it does! So what do we do to get an answer? Here is where the meditation comes in.
After making the prayer for forgiveness and asking God how to do better, try to relax and stay silent for 10 or 15 minutes. Longer if you feel you have the discipline. Calm your mind and relax to see if you get some kind of answer. This takes practice but many times we find that we get some ideas that aren't our own. Some AA's say they "hear a voice speak" in their minds. You may find you get some ideas which you could honestly say you think didn't come from you, these quite possibly are God inspired. This is what we are looking for. If the ideas are truly good they are probably from God. Use them, try to incorporate them into the next day.
Some God "idea" examples from my own meditation experience:
I should relax at work, I take things too seriously and get into fights with co workers because of it. I should try to "Live and let live".
I should call my sponsor more often and be as truthful as possible.
I've been neglecting my family, I should make more time for them. Make a few more phone calls to my brothers and sisters.
I should go to more meetings, not for me, but to help the newcommers.
I need to try to be a kinder person each day. I've been too pushy and crass with even the cashier at the market.
I need to cool down behind the wheel and not drive so aggressively. It's messing with my serenity
I should pray more throughout the day.
I need to try and focus on being a part of the team at work, rather than trying to go around showing everyone how to do their jobs.
I need to work the steps again with a good sponsor who knows the book.
This completes part 1 of the daily meditation. AA Big Book authors also give us instructions about what to do each morning. This will be covered in part 2 here.
http://neweraspiritual.blogspot.com/2012_03_01_archive.html
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