Thoughts on gratitude.

 
One of the most popular topics I've observed in meetings is gratitude. It seems at almost every other meeting someone is promoting gratitude lists as a solution for one problem or another.  Sometimes I agree, other times I believe it is only a half measure. 

In early recovery I found it very helpful to think about gratitude and focus on what I had rather than what I did not. Later in my recovery I have found it useful also to help me do Gods will. But I must be careful that I not think there are any shortcuts to the program of recovery. "Half measures availed us nothing." Ideas like trying to keep and "attitude of gratitude" and trying to "accept" are good but are not substitutes for the AA program of recovery. Trying to "stay in the now" is a good idea but again it's not really AA. So I must continue to put all the 12 steps in my life if I want to continue to be a recovered alcoholic.


A little about my experience with gratitude.

I remember early on in sobriety my first sponsor had me write a gratitude list. It helped me see things from a positive perspective. All was not lost. I still had quite a bit especially when compared with many others.

Once I was sober a few months and was in on doing the steps I started complaining to him during are weekly meetings and some of our phone calls. I'd tell him I'm not happy with my boss. My car is an hold heap. I don't like my apartment ... blah blah blah.

At one point he had heard enough of me complaining and stopped me in mid sentence. He asked me some simple questions.

Do you have a place to sleep tonight? 
Do you have some food to eat today?
Do you have your health today?
Do you have a job?
Do you have friends and family that will meet with you and talk with you?
By the way, don't you have a car?
By the way don't you have your own apartment?
And lastly ARE YOU SOBER TODAY?

I had answered yes to every question.

He then asked. "WELL HOW BAD IS IT?" "Things weren't always this good were they? No they were not. I was homeless at one point. No job, no money. Sleeping in my car. It was not fun.

All this made too much sense. I sometimes hated Jerry for that. But he was right, my way of looking at my life was sometimes like that of a spoiled child. He always seemed to make sense. But that's why I wanted him to sponsor me in the first place. He was the guy in meetings that made sense. 

After being recovered for 25 plus years I have learned something of gratitude. Besides gratitude lists being valuable to change ones perspective on ones life it also is a way to help me focus on how much I really have going for me. That I am really OK when on somedays my alcoholic mind wants to convince me otherwise.

FINAL THOUGHTS
 
It's one thing to say I'm grateful. Quite another to demonstrate I'm grateful. To SHOW I am grateful is key for me. I believe most Big Book students will agree. AA is all about action. It's not as much a THINKING program as it is a DOING program. God gives me peace. Not me. God gives me contentment not me. By demonstrating I'm grateful and by behaving like a guy that's turned his will and life over to God I get favors of contentment and peace from God. The more I study the program the more I see sentences in the Big Book and 12 and 12 that tell me that is the program.

I have found it's important to also remember gratitude lists are not strictly speaking the AA program. They are valuable - but are not substitutes for doing the AA 12 step program of recovery.

10th step explained from Alcoholics Anonymous page 84

Here we will have a look at the 10th step in the book Alcoholics Anonymous.

As with all the steps if the Big Book authors say they do something then we should do it also. If we want what they have and are willing to go to any lengths for recovery then we ought to follow the simple program precisely outlined in the book.

Here is the 10th step direction as written on page 84.

Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.


As we see the 10th step suggestion says to "continue to watch". So we are to continue looking at our thinking and actions. All throughout the day. We are to continue to check how we are doing spiritually by "continuing to watch". What do they mean by "continue to watch". It seems to me what they say they do is to keep a routine of "catching ourselves" when our thinking turns to fear or resentment. Catch ourselves if we find we are about to be dishonest or have been dishonest. Catch ourselves if we have been selfish - doing things for us while disregarding others or harming others.

We try to continue to take an objective look at our thinking and behavior to make sure we are doing our best to try to do Gods will from day to day and minute to minute as the case may be.

As I have studied the program Gods will has become simple and clear. It is to go about making my way in life in harmony with others and wherever possible being of service. Never should I make life difficult or harm others in living my life. Also while not harming others I should try to give and enhance peoples lives. Not take away or diminish. Trying to be a giver not a user. Try as best I can to be charitable, encouraging, loving and kind. This is the right use of my will. To parallel it with Gods.

Some examples of doing the 10th step.

ROAD RAGE

I'm driving down the road. Somebody cuts me off on the road; almost runs into my car.  Idiot! I shout. Then for minutes afterward I start dwelling on all the bad driving I see out on the roads. They're all idiots! -- finally I remember.. ah I'm not happy, I'm in resentment. 10th step! I say the prayer. God please remove my resentment; God please remove my anger and resentment. Show me how I can be of service to others. Thy will not mine be done.

SELFISHNESS AT THE MARKET

  

I'm at the market and hand a ten dollar bill to the cashier for $8.19 worth of groceries I've just bought. She hands me back change of $11.79 as if she thought I handed her a twenty. I notice and with my old alcoholic mind I say to myself Oh yea! Free money! I pocket the cash and walk away. Then I catch myself. Oh yea, I am an alcoholic in AA trying to do recovery the AA way and I am to put the 10th step in my life. I just have been dishonest. I need to make amends now for this dishonesty. I go back to the counter and tell the cashier. "Sorry I realized you gave me too much change. You gave me change for a twenty when I gave you a ten. Here's the money back." I say a prayer after. God please remove my dishonesty. Show me how I can be of service to others. Thy will not mine be done.  

AA Fellowship things you can do but don't have too.

My 4th sponsor has such a great sense of humor. He has taught me a lot about the program and given me quite a lot of his time in helping me.

Here are some things he likes to say about the fellowship and program of AA.

• You can give your name in a meeting if you want to, but you don't have to.
• You can share at a meeting if you want to, but you don't have to.
• You can put money in the basket if you want to, but you don't have to.
• You can get a sponsor at a meeting if you want to, but you don't have to.
• You can volunteer to make coffee at a meeting, but you don't have to.
• You can do the steps if you want to, but you don't have to.
• You can talk to people afterwards if you want to, but you don't have to.
• You can do one of the readings if you want to, but you don't have to.
• You can be a sponsor if you want to, but you don't have to.
• You can come to a meeting sober if you want to, but you don't have to.
• You can make friends at a meeting if you want to, but you don't have to.

If anybody reading can think of anything to add! Please do in the comments.

cheers from Bring The Hope.

Normal versus abnormal drinking - in other words am I an alcoholic or not?

I read a recent forum post where somebody had asked "am I a normal drinker?"

I responded with my reply which I will post here. 

I know what an abnormal drinker is. I am an alcoholic and I know this because I have studied the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and identify with AA's description of alcoholism. I am not just a hard drinker, but what AA calls a "real" alcoholic.
 
AA defines alcoholism as a two fold illness. Alcoholism has two features:
 
1) An allergy of the body. Consumption of alcohol produces a craving to consume more. Once I start to drink I can't help but just keep going. I get this over powering craving to drink more once I start. Once I crossed the line and became alcoholic I could not moderate my consumption and would always get drunk once I started to drink
 
2) Obsession of the mind. Since everytime I drank I would get drunk I started having a lot of problems. I finally made up my mind to quit because I found I could not even moderate anymore. I had to abstain complely. THE PROBLEM WAS I COULD NOT ABSTAIN FOR VERY LONG. Usually maximum of 2 months. I lost the ability to control my drinking using my own will power. I tried for 3 years but fell off the wagon again and again and again. My will power was non existent. So lack of will power, the ability to think straight 100% of the time is a mental obsession. I could not control it anymore on my own thinking.
 
As a result I was powerless to control my drinking. Only an complete physic change could relieve my alcoholism.
 
I got that change by doing the 12 steps of AA 

On pages 20 and 21 of the Alcohlics Anonymous book they point out that there is a definite difference between a "real" alcoholic and just a hard "problem" drinker and moderate drinker. The simple difference is in lack of control.

Put simply in the chapter "More about Alcoholism". (pg 30-31)

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control.