4th step fear inventory unofficial 3rd column: How was I relying on self?

 We asked ourselves why we had them. (fears) Wasn't it because self reliance failed us? -Big Book

The below questions can help to identify why we have fears by looking at exactly how we may have a relied on self? Or in other words "played God"

• How did I set the ball rolling? What decisions based on self (my instincts) put me in a position or consequences to be in fear?
  
• Had I or have I not asked for help from others or God? If not why?
• Had I or Have I not discussed something with someone that I should have? 
• Was or Am I playing God thinking I know what others are thinking?
  
• Was or Am I playing God predicting the future? (many of us imagine worse case scenarios concerning our worries)
• Was I or am I playing God thinking I know what others are doing without direct evidence
  

Remember, fear lies only in our thinking of what the future may hold for us. Many alcoholics dwell on worries and fear of their well being or not getting what they want in the future. In basic terms it is that a person thinks that they will not be alright sometime in the future or not get what they THINK they need in the future. Sometimes it is fear of missing out. Missing out on satisfying our instincts (self). Missing out on the money I think I need, missing out on the social prestige or friends I think I need, missing out on the sex I think I need. Playing God and thinking we may know what the future holds. We imagine the outcome of any number of situations or future scenarios in our lives. In many cases we are outright wrong and spend a lot of time in fear and worry, convinced the future will include our worst case scenarios and we won't get what we want or be OK when inevitably we are wrong. 

Fear Prayer from the Big Book: We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.

The Promises of the 12 steps as found in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous"

Here extracted from the AA text book "Alcoholics Anonymous" are promises attached to most all the steps. The text has quite a few promises and conditions for acquiring the promises. Here listed are the more significant promises attached to a particular step.

KEY: Promises are underlined and conditions are in bold and italics.

Step 2: As soon as we admitted the possible existence of a Creative Intelligence, a Spirit of the Universe under-lying the totality of things, we began to be possessed of a new sense of power and direction, provided we took other simple steps. 

 Step 3: We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn. 

 Step 4: We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and the fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. 

Step 5: We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The filling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe. 

Step 9: If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. The feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. 

Step 10: And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given to us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.”

11th Step: We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.’’ We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

AA 12 step program directions and supporting information from the book "Alcoholics Anonymous"

12 step directions, information and promises as found in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous". This post written to quickly locate and identify the specific actions and supporting information to do the AA 12 step program.

Key: Directions are underlined.

Step 1: Information/Directions: Chapters: "Doctors Opinion", "Bills Story",  "There is a Solution" (up to pg 25) and "More about Alcoholism". The reader should study these chapters to fully understand what AA says alcoholism is and to identify if they have the same problem. Once understood the reader should then be able to make a determination if they are alcoholic or not. If the reader identifies as alcoholic they can then take the step one direction below. 

 

It should be pointed out that the book was written by Bill W and the first 100 AA members. So, when reading the AA book always keep in mind that "We" are the people who wrote the book. They say things like  "We learned we needed" or We found we.." So in order to complete a step we do what they did.

 

1st step direction: Page 30: We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

Step 2: Information/Directions: Chapters: "There is a Solution" (from page 25 on) and "We Agnostics"

Direction 1: Pg 46: We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God.

Direction 2 Page 47: We needed to ask ourselves but one short question.“Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe,that there is a Power greater than myself?’’ 

(promise) As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way.  

Conditions and promise: As soon as we admitted the possible existence of a Creative Intelligence, a Spirit of the Universe under-lying the totality of things, we began to be possessed of a new sense of power and direction, provided we took other simple steps.  

Step 3: Chapter: "How it Works" pages 60 - 63

Direction 1: Pg 60 - Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do?  The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success.

Directions 2 & 3: Pg 62 - This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. 

Prayer/direction: pg 63 - Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: “God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!’’  

Condition and Promises: pg 63 - When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became con­scious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.

Preparation and explanation of importance of step 4

Last paragraph pg 63 - Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a stren­uous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in our­selves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

Step 4: Chapter "How it Works" pages 64-71

Directions for the Resentment Inventory: 

Column 1: pg 64 - In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry. 

Column 2: pg 64 - We asked ourselves why we were angry. 

Column 3: pages 64 - 65 In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were “burned up.’’ On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our am­bitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with?

Unofficial Column 4: pg 67 Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dis­honest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situa­tion had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man’s. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.

• 1st Resentment solution: bottom of pg 66
  

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. 

Resentment Prayer: We asked God to help us show them the same toler­ance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.

• Fear Inventory: Information starting last paragraph on pg 67

Advice: Notice that the word “fear’’ is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling?

Directions page 68: 

1) We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connec­tion with them. 

2) We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn’t go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn’t fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse. 

3) Unofficial third column questions concluded from the text: How did I set the ball rolling? What character defects had me make decisions that put myself in situations to be fearful. Where was I playing God? How was I relying on myself? Where did I NOT ask for help from others? These questions come from this part of the text: But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? and also Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us?

Fear Solution: Perhaps there is a better way—we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.

• Sex Inventory:

Preparation advice: Last paragraph on Pg 68 to middle of 69

Directions: Page 69 - We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsider­ate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test—was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remem­bered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.  

Directions concerning creating a sex ideal for our lives: In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test—was it selfish or not? 

Sex ideal Prayer: We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. 

Sex Relations Prayer: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situa­tion, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing.

Step 5: Chapter "Into Action" pages 70-75

Directions: When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time. We have a written inventory and we are pre­pared for a long talk. We explain to our partner what we are about to do and why we have to do it. He should realize that we are engaged upon a life-and-death errand. Most people approached in this way will be glad to help; they will be honored by our confidence. We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past.

5th step Promises: Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we be­gin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.

Step 6: pg 76 - If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at Step Six. We have emphasized willingness as being in­dispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are ob­jectionable? Can He now take them all—every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.

Step 7: pg 76 - When ready, we say something like this: “My Cre­ator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.’’ We have then completed Step Seven.

Step 8 and 9: pages 76-84  

Step 8 Direction 1: We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory.  

Step 8 Direction 2: (found in the summary of the steps) - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9:

Directions: All of text from the middle of page 76 to the bottom of page 83.

9th Step promises: Start on bottom of pg 83 ending in the middle of pg 84 "They will always materialize if we work for them."

Step 10: Information: middle of pages 84 to end of page 85 

Directions:
Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

Step 10 promises: And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone – even alcohol. For  by  this  time  sanity  will  have  returned.  We  will  seldom  be interested  in  liquor. If tempted,  we  recoil  from  it  as  from  a  hot flame. We  react  sanely  and normally,  and  we  will  find  that  this has  happened  automatically. We  will  see  that  our  new  attitude toward  liquor  has  been  given  us  without  any  thought  or  effort on  our  part.  It  just  comes!That  is  the  miracle  of  it.  We  are  not fighting it,   neither   are   we   avoiding   temptation. We   feel   as though we have been placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are  we afraid. That  is  our  experience. That  is  how  we  react  so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
 

Step 11: pages 85-88  click here for a full break down of the 11th morning meditation step. Full breakdown of the 11th step evening meditation here.

11th step promise: We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

Step 12: Directions are more or less the entire chapter titled "Working with Others" pages 89-103