My experience with selfishness and self-centeredness and my alcoholism.

Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. (AA Big Book, pg 62)

This extreme self consciousness, sensitivity to what others think of me is a feature of my alcoholism. At it's core is nothing short of me being very self centered. I believe that is what AA teaches us. Doing the steps relieved me of this self centeredness but didn't completely erase it.. All my character defects stem from this selfishness and self centeredness. Restless, irritable and discontent. To go to a party or socialize with people I had to have something, drinks, drugs etc.. Then "I could come out and play". Today going to a social event is not a daunting task like it used to be. I know how to be as I have learned with Gods help how to not focus on me but focus on others. This comes in the form of asking questions, getting to know people and showing concern for others. What I can bring to the party to contribute, not what I can get. I try not to go all out to impress people with how much I know or dominate the conversation but try to have interest in what other people are doing and what others are saying .. listening! This has been a learned thing for me. Some think being judgemental is an offensive against what I think people might think of me. I am not sure if being judgemental has been my attempt to fight back about what others "might" be thinking of me, it's a good idea to ponder though. God knows I do way to much of it. Just might be!

Getting it or not getting it in AA. Is there really such a thing as "getting it" in AA?

My experience is that there is no "getting it" or "not getting it" There are people who either do the program or not do the program. (here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery) There are alcoholics who thoroughly follow our path (do the steps and recover) and there are alcoholics that only come to meetings and do not apply the program (12 steps). "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path" I have never seen an alcoholic who thoroughly does all the 12 steps and continues practising the steps fail to recover.

The 11th step prayer (The Prayer of St.Francis of Assisi )

The Prayer of St.Francis of Assisi is affectionately known as The Eleventh Step Prayer as it appears in the book "12 Steps and 12 Traditions" in the reading for the eleventh step.

According to this website dedicated to St.Francis, this prayer was almost certainly not written by him. It apparently dates from the early part of the 20th century, and its author is unknown. It was found in Normandy in 1915, written on the back of a holy card of St. Francis. The version that follows is from the "12 Steps and 12 Traditions" book page 99 and differs from the original.

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace!

That where there is hatred,
I may bring love.

That where there is wrong,
I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.

That where there is discord,
I may bring harmony.

That where there is error,
I may bring truth.

That where there is doubt,
I may bring faith.

That where there is despair,
I may bring hope.

That where there are shadows,
I may bring light.

That where there is sadness,
I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort,
than to be comforted.

To understand,
than to be understood.

To love,
than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.