Profanity in the AA fellowship? Acceptable or Not? An essay illustrating the importance of creating a welcoming and comfortable atmosphere for the new commer.
Since about 1993 I've attended AA meetings. Inevitably there are some shares that contain profanity. Occasional profanity is tough to avoid and even with an announcement that it's discouraged in the meeting people will slip. Of course this is understandable. In some cases profanity is not just occasional but consistent. I believe excessive use of profanity, talk of politics, sexual innuendo and other "hot topics" are detrimental to the atmosphere and primary purpose of the AA fellowship and should be discouraged wherever possible.
AA's primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. In most cases these are people new to AA. Mainly people who have never been to an AA meeting or in their first 30 days of abstinence. Our primary purpose is to carry the message of AA. Abstinence from alcohol by recovery from alcoholism through a spiritual awakening brought about by practice of the 12 steps.
AA meetings should, wherever possible, make the newcomer welcome and comfortable without being singled out or put on the spot. We must make our best effort to behave in a manner which everyone commonly agrees would most likely be welcoming and comforting to all who may enter. We can't cater to every personality but we can do our best to cater to most. During meetings, we who have recovered or are in the process of recovering, attempting to be responsible AA members, should demonstrate the spiritual awaking we have achieved or are in the midst of achieving through our behavior and our words.
Sharing our experience strength and hope can easily be done with out expletives, profanity, sexual innuendo or bringing up polarizing political stances or issues.
How does one demonstrate that they have achieved a spiritual awakening and a connection to a Power Greater than themselves through their behavior and words? I have been taught (and most Big Book students would agree) that spirituality revolves around one single and important concept - selflessness. Page 62 of the AA book highlights a very important AA concept.
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the
root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion,
self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and
they retaliate.
If selfishness is the root of our troubles selflessness is surely the solution.
So ultimately selflessness is the essence of spirituality. All manifestations of selflessness in how we behave and in our words are Gods will for us. In Step 6 when we prepare to change and move away from letting character defects rule our behavior we make a concerted effort using OUR WILL to change. Where I may have been dishonest, be honest. Where I was selfish be more selfless. Where I may have been inconsiderate be more considerate. Where I have hated try to love (sound familiar) The 11th step prayer is a good practical example of how to behave spiritually.
From selflessness grows concern for others, tolerance of others, love for others and RESPECT of others. Use of profanity, sexual innuendo, borderline hate speech, politics or other polarizing topics in meetings jeopardizes are efforts at being respectful and considerate of others feelings, sensitivities, moods etc..
New alcoholics are very sick, skeptical and fragile people. We must do our best to NOT ALIENATE anyone sensitive to profanity, politics, use of sexual innuendo and the like to make our AA meetings the most welcoming and comfortable as possible to anyone who may be at their first AA meeting, new to AA or even new to our group. Our demonstration of spirituality is much more powerful than our talk of spirituality.
We ought to discourage profanity, talk of politics, sexual innuendo or any other polarizing hot topics which may alienate others in an effort to make our meetings comfortable and welcoming to all who may attend.
I wouldn't have been comfortable being told to watch my mouth I've worked with a lot of newcomers and I can't imagine telling them how to talk. I think it's a trivial concern for people struggling with a fatal disease.
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ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment Justin. You might notice that my essay urges people who have recovered demonstrate their spirituality in how they behave in meetings. Demonstration of spirituality is the key to AA recovery. AA spirituality is about how one acts. About how onc is courteous to others. My groups meeting format discourages excessive use of profanity. Nobody has ever complained about it. People occasionally swear but we never call anyone out. It is "discouraged" Please re-read my post. I think you may have glossed over some things. I'm not suggesting we call people out, especially newcommers to "watch their mouths" or tell anyone "how" to talk. I'm suggesting that people who have recovered from alcholicsm (the great promise of AA in the Big Book) show and demonstrate their spirituality by being courteous to others. One of our members likes to say it this way. Lack of profanity never offended anyone in an AA meeting. cheers.
ReplyDeletei WAS JUST AT MEETING WHERE A GUY EVERY WORD WAS F*** OR ANOTHER CUSSWORD WHICH HE USED SEVERAL TIMES. I am not a prude i have been in AA since 1974 lot of oldtimers were pretty foul mouthed but a lot were not. I am not a prude but I found his used of f*** several times and at my turn told them my sponsor made me stop cussing first thing.Another oldtimer spokeup in his defense guy stating that in AA encouraged free speech And we dont have any rules for the meeting.But if a comment with every other word a curseword that I find offensive I need to speak up we have no authority but a loving god . But if a comment is offensive it interferes with my sobriety and is divisive to the group I am resposible
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