I have often thought of myself as a smart man, quite brilliant at one point before sobriety; hopefully a bit humbler now. Without higher education, in just a couple of years I was playing jazz with the best of them in LA. After being discouraged by the music scene in LA went back to Silicon Valley where I now enjoy pestering by any number of head hunters lining up to put me in a myriad of high paying positions as a Systems Engineer. The truth is though, with all my so called intelligence in the booze area I was quite stupid to put it mildly. In the getting along with fellow human beings and attaining some humility department I fell short as well. I had read the Big Book 3 times and attended many hundreds of AA meetings for 7 years before I became a student of the Big Book. I am well over 17 years sober now. I found out something really humbling through careful study of the Alcoholics Anonymous book and that was this. That with all my brilliance and superior intellect I really hadn’t comprehended all the main points made in the first 164 pages.
I actually was pushed into studying it by my third sponsor who’s first book at age 34 was the Big Book. (he was illiterate before sobriety) I found out by the help of more studious and patient men than I, ( Joe and Charlie to be exact) that the first 164 pages of the big book are a text and meant to be carefully studied. The preface of the book illustrates this point.
A mistake in thinking I made was to classify myself unique, a cut above, an exception. I found that this trait is often shared by many an alcoholic. This feeling of being alone but superior than the rest and at the same time a victim of life. Over the years I have found something out about myself as well. That is that even with all the Big Book studying I had done it’s always good to refer back to it as my disease will often push back those good points and I’ll find myself getting out of sync with the principals. Refering back often keeps me on track. Writing blogs about it helps too.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Trying to control drinking as an alcoholic; the day may never arrive.
I must say that something I found out was that by virtue of being alcoholic I could never regain control of my drinking. If you are really alcoholic you may find that is the case for you. I’m going to paste in and excerpt from the AA Big Book, all of which I have taken to heart and look to as more or less Gospel for alcoholics. Here is Alcoholics Anonymous take on an alcoholics' attempt to control drinking.
quote:
We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals—usually brief—were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn’t done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Readers, I certainly hope you may control your drinking, but if you are really alcoholic that day may never arrive.
You may not like what I’m about to say, but here it goes. If you are really alcoholic and your therapist is telling you he feels you “have it under control” he is not at all well informed about alcoholism and doing you a great disservice. Alcoholics by virtue of being alcoholic will never ever regain control of alcohol with the exception of nothing short of a major miracle. Not even AA promises control of drinking to alcoholics, only abstinence through spiritual means.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Quotes from the film "My Name is Bill W."
Here's one of my favorite scenes from the film "My Name is Bill W." James Woods gives a stellar performance as Bill W. A must see for any AA IMHO.
--Bill W. looking out the window, explaining to Lois, why he keeps drinking
I look out the window and watch all the normal people walking by. It's funny I don't think I've ever felt really normal all my life. I feel different somehow, like I don't quite measure up. Ever since I can remember I've had this feeling deep down in my gut -- scared. I see people laughing, at ease with each other. I'm on the outside looking in - afraid that maybe I won't be accepted.
And then overseas I found that a drink, a few drinks makes me feel comfortable, like I always want to feel. It gives me courage to be with people, do things....to dream.
The money, the success, the respect it was all good for awhile, but it never seems enough. I always want doubles of everything, to make me feel alive, worthwhile inside. And then it all began to slip away. I feel cheated, angry, always so full of fear, so I drink, more and it makes it ok for awhile. I convince myself that things will turn around tomorrow, soon, that I'll make it all up to you. But it only gets worse. I keep promising you, others, myself, I'm going on the wagon and I think I mean it. But the guilt and the depression, I can't look in the mirror or at you. Especially you. I've stopped believing in everything, people, God, myself.
I know it sounds insane Lois, but in spite of all this, what I want more than anything else, is another drink.
--Bill W. looking out the window, explaining to Lois, why he keeps drinking
I look out the window and watch all the normal people walking by. It's funny I don't think I've ever felt really normal all my life. I feel different somehow, like I don't quite measure up. Ever since I can remember I've had this feeling deep down in my gut -- scared. I see people laughing, at ease with each other. I'm on the outside looking in - afraid that maybe I won't be accepted.
And then overseas I found that a drink, a few drinks makes me feel comfortable, like I always want to feel. It gives me courage to be with people, do things....to dream.
The money, the success, the respect it was all good for awhile, but it never seems enough. I always want doubles of everything, to make me feel alive, worthwhile inside. And then it all began to slip away. I feel cheated, angry, always so full of fear, so I drink, more and it makes it ok for awhile. I convince myself that things will turn around tomorrow, soon, that I'll make it all up to you. But it only gets worse. I keep promising you, others, myself, I'm going on the wagon and I think I mean it. But the guilt and the depression, I can't look in the mirror or at you. Especially you. I've stopped believing in everything, people, God, myself.
I know it sounds insane Lois, but in spite of all this, what I want more than anything else, is another drink.
A Higher Power for atheists.
Fortunately none of the steps demands we have any kind of concept of a higher power so the hoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than you might think.
I was atheist, but I wasn’t stupid. The truth is I was very desperate to beat my alcoholism. In meetings I heard many AA’s (some with some horrifying stories) share about how they, at first, didn’t have any notion of a God or Higher Power, took the steps and found a small but growing relationship with a Power out there that was relieving their alcoholism. Until AA I was convinced there was no God and laughed at church goers. In desperation I took steps two and three with a very limited, if any, understanding of God. About the only thing I actually knew about God was that something was helping other AA's in the meetings who had done the steps. So I just went with that. As it turns out, that was all that was needed. Steps 2 and 3 don't demand we know what a Higher Power looks like, feels like or sounds like. The Big Book says a willingness to believe is enough to make a beginning. I found willingness and it was enough to make a beginning for me too.
So with that in mind I did the rest of the steps and somewhere into steps 6 and 7 I started feeling some Power helping me. I found it was a lot easier than I first thought. I "faked it before I made it" so to speak. I just went along with what I was told. What else could I do? Reject what seemed to be the only game in town at beating alcoholism? Foolish not to at least try, especially for a hopeless alcoholic like me. What happened? 27 years plus of sobriety and happiness. I came to scoff at first but then remained to pray.
I was atheist, but I wasn’t stupid. The truth is I was very desperate to beat my alcoholism. In meetings I heard many AA’s (some with some horrifying stories) share about how they, at first, didn’t have any notion of a God or Higher Power, took the steps and found a small but growing relationship with a Power out there that was relieving their alcoholism. Until AA I was convinced there was no God and laughed at church goers. In desperation I took steps two and three with a very limited, if any, understanding of God. About the only thing I actually knew about God was that something was helping other AA's in the meetings who had done the steps. So I just went with that. As it turns out, that was all that was needed. Steps 2 and 3 don't demand we know what a Higher Power looks like, feels like or sounds like. The Big Book says a willingness to believe is enough to make a beginning. I found willingness and it was enough to make a beginning for me too.
So with that in mind I did the rest of the steps and somewhere into steps 6 and 7 I started feeling some Power helping me. I found it was a lot easier than I first thought. I "faked it before I made it" so to speak. I just went along with what I was told. What else could I do? Reject what seemed to be the only game in town at beating alcoholism? Foolish not to at least try, especially for a hopeless alcoholic like me. What happened? 27 years plus of sobriety and happiness. I came to scoff at first but then remained to pray.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Blogging, AA and recovery.
I have been commenting on a blog by a man who introduces himself as an alcoholic. He believes he is alcoholic and had accosted me for writing on his blog and trying to give him some helpful advice. It's worth repeating some of my replies as I think I've made some good solid points straight from the Big Book of AA.
I just had to write even if you didn't post my last "verbal diarrhea". It takes an alcoholic to think that some guy writing about AA and alcoholism on his blog is trying to control him. Damn it man I'm trying to help you! I believe you are mistaking articulate and informed writing for an inflamed ego. I'll admit I enjoy reading your stories and long for the retirement lifestyle. Promise if you meet me you won't take a swing at me. Although I think you might thank me in a couple of years for being straight and to the point.
I'll tell you, from your replies if I am not on your resentment list I should be. Dare I suggest Nid and the long parade of women who you claim have drove you to drink and harmed you be there too. ~Many alcoholics love to be victims.
It's a standard trait. Goes something like this. "I was just standing there and she came in a screwed up my entire life" "Really mate, I was a saint through the whole thing." I've been a great guy all the while. The world just does it to me every time! How many times I have heard alkys talk this way. Many of us think we are so innocent and the rest of the world just has it out for us. Well, it's all self deception and bad perception as we've created every single problem in our lives. A tough pill to swallow but a necessary one for alcoholics wishing to really work the program of AA. Now, I am not making this up. Look in the book around page 62 and 63.
It was a tough pill to swallow for your's truly. "Our problems are of our own making and they arise out of ourselves". Driven by a hundred forms of fear we make decisions based on self that put us in positions to be hurt. For a long time I just couldn't get that. Then when I did a fourth step i found out that in every single one of the cases where I felt I was wronged. I WAS THE ONE WHO MADE A DECISION THAT PUT ME IN THE CIRCUMSTANCE TO GET WRONGED. A huge revelation for me.
I must say your comments to wallflower were admirable. I do not wish you doom and gloom. I wish you sobriety and above all peace and serenity. These things come at a price though, humility, willingness and open mindedness toward a higher power.
Post or don't post, I hope you read. Be well my friend.
Miracles happen - s&^*%t get's made
I just had to write even if you didn't post my last "verbal diarrhea". It takes an alcoholic to think that some guy writing about AA and alcoholism on his blog is trying to control him. Damn it man I'm trying to help you! I believe you are mistaking articulate and informed writing for an inflamed ego. I'll admit I enjoy reading your stories and long for the retirement lifestyle. Promise if you meet me you won't take a swing at me. Although I think you might thank me in a couple of years for being straight and to the point.
I'll tell you, from your replies if I am not on your resentment list I should be. Dare I suggest Nid and the long parade of women who you claim have drove you to drink and harmed you be there too. ~Many alcoholics love to be victims.
It's a standard trait. Goes something like this. "I was just standing there and she came in a screwed up my entire life" "Really mate, I was a saint through the whole thing." I've been a great guy all the while. The world just does it to me every time! How many times I have heard alkys talk this way. Many of us think we are so innocent and the rest of the world just has it out for us. Well, it's all self deception and bad perception as we've created every single problem in our lives. A tough pill to swallow but a necessary one for alcoholics wishing to really work the program of AA. Now, I am not making this up. Look in the book around page 62 and 63.
It was a tough pill to swallow for your's truly. "Our problems are of our own making and they arise out of ourselves". Driven by a hundred forms of fear we make decisions based on self that put us in positions to be hurt. For a long time I just couldn't get that. Then when I did a fourth step i found out that in every single one of the cases where I felt I was wronged. I WAS THE ONE WHO MADE A DECISION THAT PUT ME IN THE CIRCUMSTANCE TO GET WRONGED. A huge revelation for me.
I must say your comments to wallflower were admirable. I do not wish you doom and gloom. I wish you sobriety and above all peace and serenity. These things come at a price though, humility, willingness and open mindedness toward a higher power.
Post or don't post, I hope you read. Be well my friend.
Miracles happen - s&^*%t get's made
Friday, September 17, 2010
What an alcoholic is and is not.
(This is a reply to a casual blogger concerning his drinking and how he stopped after a good strong talking to by friends. He was giving advice to an alcoholic whose blog I have followed)
People who can stop drinking on their own accord through will power are by definition NOT ALCOHOLICS. Real alcoholics by virtue of being alcoholic cannot stop through use of self will. They cannot just one day say to themselves, "I guess it's gone to far I'm going to stop." and then moderate or stop for good.
Heavy drinkers CAN stop by themselves through self will. If you can stay stopped or are able to have the occasional drink after a good talking to by some friends then by definition you are not alcoholic. You can control your drinking. Alcoholics cannot.
Here's an example of a heavy drinker ( not alcoholic ) that I knew from my personal life.
I had grandfather who drank every day. He probably had four or five a day and a few more than that on the weekends. We'd see him fairly stewed most times the family would visit. When the doctor told him that his health was failing due to his drinking he stopped the next day. From then on, till the day of his death, he only had the rare celebratory glass of champagne at a wedding or other suitable occasion. He was not alcoholic.
So I hope this helps to understand what alcoholism is and what it is not. Wait, there's more!
On top of that, alcoholics have what is referred to in AA literature as a "phenomenon of craving" which happens after they have the 1st drink. This information is straight from the doctors opinion at the beginning of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Ask any real alcoholic. It's a certainty that even after just one drink they develop a craving which drives them to keep on drinking. For alcoholics, it's very rare they can have just a couple of drinks and leave it alone. It's almost always all or nothing. The "phenomenon of craving" is an allergy of the body (from AA text). In other words alcoholics have a different reaction to alcohol then non alcoholics. Non alcoholics can have a few drinks and leave it alone. Nothing happens, life goes on. Real alcoholics have a couple drinks then keep on drinking to inebriation.
A real alcoholic will visit the doctor for a checkup and the doctor might give him news like this; "Sir, if you keep on drinking you'll die in less than a year from liver failure." An alcoholic, even with this dire news in hand might stop for a few days, or maybe even a few weeks, but will eventually drink again, and not just in moderation, but back to usual amounts.
People who can stop drinking on their own accord through will power are by definition NOT ALCOHOLICS. Real alcoholics by virtue of being alcoholic cannot stop through use of self will. They cannot just one day say to themselves, "I guess it's gone to far I'm going to stop." and then moderate or stop for good.
Heavy drinkers CAN stop by themselves through self will. If you can stay stopped or are able to have the occasional drink after a good talking to by some friends then by definition you are not alcoholic. You can control your drinking. Alcoholics cannot.
Here's an example of a heavy drinker ( not alcoholic ) that I knew from my personal life.
I had grandfather who drank every day. He probably had four or five a day and a few more than that on the weekends. We'd see him fairly stewed most times the family would visit. When the doctor told him that his health was failing due to his drinking he stopped the next day. From then on, till the day of his death, he only had the rare celebratory glass of champagne at a wedding or other suitable occasion. He was not alcoholic.
So I hope this helps to understand what alcoholism is and what it is not. Wait, there's more!
On top of that, alcoholics have what is referred to in AA literature as a "phenomenon of craving" which happens after they have the 1st drink. This information is straight from the doctors opinion at the beginning of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Ask any real alcoholic. It's a certainty that even after just one drink they develop a craving which drives them to keep on drinking. For alcoholics, it's very rare they can have just a couple of drinks and leave it alone. It's almost always all or nothing. The "phenomenon of craving" is an allergy of the body (from AA text). In other words alcoholics have a different reaction to alcohol then non alcoholics. Non alcoholics can have a few drinks and leave it alone. Nothing happens, life goes on. Real alcoholics have a couple drinks then keep on drinking to inebriation.
A real alcoholic will visit the doctor for a checkup and the doctor might give him news like this; "Sir, if you keep on drinking you'll die in less than a year from liver failure." An alcoholic, even with this dire news in hand might stop for a few days, or maybe even a few weeks, but will eventually drink again, and not just in moderation, but back to usual amounts.
Staying sober without God. Some might die trying..
I was homeless for awhile, I slept in my car many days back in fall of 1992 and lost two jobs in one weekend at a low point. I wanted to stop, tried but could not. I failed on my own 20+ times in 3 years. I went to meetings but that wasn't enough.
My life was literally in the gutter for awhile. The first right thing I did for myself was ask for help in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.
It's the alcoholic ego which almost always gets alcoholics in trouble for they seem to have a yearning to want to "look good" and many lack the humility to admit they don't have all the answers, especially when it comes to their drinking. Many alcoholics first balk at the steps and spiritual ideas in AA. Those desperate enough to try and find the humility to go at it without question experience miracles. That was my experience. Once I gave up trying to do it my way and did it AA's way (working the steps) I stayed sober and have a great life now.
I do not have a personal agenda to see anyone fail in trying to beat the drinking game. More power to you if you can quit for good or moderate with out taking the steps or AA. Although if you be a real alcoholic that happy day may not arrive as, to my knowledge there are no other good or successful alternatives.
I am pretty certain what many mistake for success in beating alcoholism without some form of spirituality are the stories of heavy drinkers putting it down or moderating given sufficient reason. Alcoholics, by AA's definition of the illness, completely lack this ability. AA found that real alcoholics lack control and cannot moderate or stay sober happily for any significant amount of time on self will. Heavy drinkers can.
I have seen people in meetings who have not latched onto a higher power in AA. They do not really try AA. They use the fellowship as a sober social club and don't work the 12 steps. All through AA literature it makes clear seeking a power greater than yourself to solve alcoholism is what the program is all about. Most alcoholics I've known who haven't sought a higher power in AA (through continual practice of the steps and putting them into their lives, are not very happy and some have unfortunate, very tragic endings.
Case in point, I went to many AA meetings in Los Angeles and quite a few of them in my opinion seemed to be attended by people who could simply "put the plug in the jug" and stay sober just through the fellowship. They seemed to have made AA there sober Elks Club or maybe more fitting Hollywood, the drunk squad extension of the Screen Actors Guild. I heard tragic stories of people who were not quite as alcoholic as I, and very lucky, stay sober for 10 years or more and then drink again when a calamity occured which was too much to take. One couple I became familiar with were a supreme example. The husband was sober 12 years and killed himself, this man was a regular attendee of AA. The wife, also an attendee herself then drank again over it. When I went to a few of the meetings they were going to and heard what was being said there I knew what the problem was. Hardly anyone was talking about working the program of AA, they were busy using the meeting as a dumping ground for "what was going on with them". It just seemed more like a therapy session, not Alcoholics Anonymous. Unfortunately the reason many modern day AA groups fail to produce any respectable success rate is that they are too diluted with non-AA program ideas. These ideas come in from therapy sessions and treatment centers which charge exorbitant fees to embellish the AA program or make it unique to there business so they can charge for their services. It's a tragic reality of life. I hope many do not pay the ultimate price for it.
The program is simple, it's in the first 164 pages of the Big Book of AA. Once I became humble enough to take a look and really study it I found out how simple it was. But some of it is not easy. There is a price to pay. Some work has to be done. But once I really tried my new life began. That's been my experience. It works if you work it. I found out the hard way. But there is hope -- in doing the 12 steps.
Bring Thehope
My life was literally in the gutter for awhile. The first right thing I did for myself was ask for help in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.
It's the alcoholic ego which almost always gets alcoholics in trouble for they seem to have a yearning to want to "look good" and many lack the humility to admit they don't have all the answers, especially when it comes to their drinking. Many alcoholics first balk at the steps and spiritual ideas in AA. Those desperate enough to try and find the humility to go at it without question experience miracles. That was my experience. Once I gave up trying to do it my way and did it AA's way (working the steps) I stayed sober and have a great life now.
I do not have a personal agenda to see anyone fail in trying to beat the drinking game. More power to you if you can quit for good or moderate with out taking the steps or AA. Although if you be a real alcoholic that happy day may not arrive as, to my knowledge there are no other good or successful alternatives.
I am pretty certain what many mistake for success in beating alcoholism without some form of spirituality are the stories of heavy drinkers putting it down or moderating given sufficient reason. Alcoholics, by AA's definition of the illness, completely lack this ability. AA found that real alcoholics lack control and cannot moderate or stay sober happily for any significant amount of time on self will. Heavy drinkers can.
I have seen people in meetings who have not latched onto a higher power in AA. They do not really try AA. They use the fellowship as a sober social club and don't work the 12 steps. All through AA literature it makes clear seeking a power greater than yourself to solve alcoholism is what the program is all about. Most alcoholics I've known who haven't sought a higher power in AA (through continual practice of the steps and putting them into their lives, are not very happy and some have unfortunate, very tragic endings.
Case in point, I went to many AA meetings in Los Angeles and quite a few of them in my opinion seemed to be attended by people who could simply "put the plug in the jug" and stay sober just through the fellowship. They seemed to have made AA there sober Elks Club or maybe more fitting Hollywood, the drunk squad extension of the Screen Actors Guild. I heard tragic stories of people who were not quite as alcoholic as I, and very lucky, stay sober for 10 years or more and then drink again when a calamity occured which was too much to take. One couple I became familiar with were a supreme example. The husband was sober 12 years and killed himself, this man was a regular attendee of AA. The wife, also an attendee herself then drank again over it. When I went to a few of the meetings they were going to and heard what was being said there I knew what the problem was. Hardly anyone was talking about working the program of AA, they were busy using the meeting as a dumping ground for "what was going on with them". It just seemed more like a therapy session, not Alcoholics Anonymous. Unfortunately the reason many modern day AA groups fail to produce any respectable success rate is that they are too diluted with non-AA program ideas. These ideas come in from therapy sessions and treatment centers which charge exorbitant fees to embellish the AA program or make it unique to there business so they can charge for their services. It's a tragic reality of life. I hope many do not pay the ultimate price for it.
The program is simple, it's in the first 164 pages of the Big Book of AA. Once I became humble enough to take a look and really study it I found out how simple it was. But some of it is not easy. There is a price to pay. Some work has to be done. But once I really tried my new life began. That's been my experience. It works if you work it. I found out the hard way. But there is hope -- in doing the 12 steps.
Bring Thehope
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Advice for the newcomer.
Complete abstinence from alcohol must be achieved if most alcoholics are to live long. Any real alcoholic abstaining will eventually drink if the alcoholism is not thoroughly treated. Honest doctors will be the first to admit they have no successful treatment for alcoholism. This is because real alcoholics may have a disease which only a power greater than themselves can conquer. Most all people who follow the program of AA (which means working the steps, not just going to meetings) achieve what AA calls a "spiritual awakening". They get a connection with a Higher Power or "God" through the action of taking the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. When members of AA continue to put the 12 steps in their lives they get a change in personality brought on by a spiritual awakening sufficient to relieve them of their alcoholism. This is the good news of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous".
I highly recommend getting to it and taking the steps for anyone looking to recover from alcoholism or addiction. It can even be done by yourself if a suitably motivated AA sponsor in your neighbourhood cannot be found. One only really needs another person for the 5th step and 12th steps.
Some may say "I've been going to lot's of meetings isn't that enough?" Well ask any real alcoholic if just going to meetings is enough. Real alcoholics can't stay sober just on meetings. I know this from personal experience. The Big Book says "That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism". For people reading this who have continued to drink or drank again even while going to lots of meetings, let me ask, how has going to lot’s of meetings worked for you in the past?
Going to meetings is great, but will not give the desired recovery unless intensive 12 step work is done too. All AA literature speaks to this fact. If you are a real alcoholic (like the AA book describes) I hope you take my advice.
Something my sponsor told me once. If you keep doing what your doing, you’ll keep getting what you get. Many alcoholics pay the ultimate price finding this out too late.
I highly recommend getting to it and taking the steps for anyone looking to recover from alcoholism or addiction. It can even be done by yourself if a suitably motivated AA sponsor in your neighbourhood cannot be found. One only really needs another person for the 5th step and 12th steps.
Some may say "I've been going to lot's of meetings isn't that enough?" Well ask any real alcoholic if just going to meetings is enough. Real alcoholics can't stay sober just on meetings. I know this from personal experience. The Big Book says "That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism". For people reading this who have continued to drink or drank again even while going to lots of meetings, let me ask, how has going to lot’s of meetings worked for you in the past?
Going to meetings is great, but will not give the desired recovery unless intensive 12 step work is done too. All AA literature speaks to this fact. If you are a real alcoholic (like the AA book describes) I hope you take my advice.
Something my sponsor told me once. If you keep doing what your doing, you’ll keep getting what you get. Many alcoholics pay the ultimate price finding this out too late.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Untreated alcoholism and the alcoholic
One of the strange things about alcoholism is that the way alcoholics go about treating it is to drink. They self medicate. Alcohol is the “medicine” for the alcoholic. When the medicine no longer works and lives start falling apart many of us attempt to abstain. In these usually short periods of abstinence we then suffer from untreated alcoholism and it's symptoms. Symptoms like depression, anxiety, anger, feelings of impending doom, restlessness and discontent to name a few. Myself, I couldn't hold on for more than a couple of months, usually less. All the feelings would mount up and inevitably the time would come when it was all to much too take and I would again seek relief in the bottle. Sometimes it was months, sometimes just weeks, but I'd always go back to the relief I knew - alcohol. So, I'd drink in an attempt to feel better but again I'd get myself into some kind of unwanted trouble. At that point after every binge was regret. I would do something or be unable to do something that would cause me problems. Almost every drunk ended badly. I had torn my life up. Alcohol no longer worked. Every drink would lead to a drunk and every drunk meant trouble. I couldn't even safely have one drink. I knew I couldn't drink anymore but at the same time couldn't quit. So, the question became what to do to treat my alcoholism now that I couldn't use alcohol to treat it. I didn't want to drink again because it caused me nothing but problems. What could I do to stop? How could I recover?
The answer myself and many have found is the 12 step program of AA. Alcoholics Anonymous is a spiritual program which has successfully treated alcoholism for over 75 years. Practicing the 12 step program of AA with support from good solid program based meetings starts the alcoholic on a wonderful journey to a brand new way of life. AA's not only get freedom from alcohol but spirituality, peace and serenity - a new way to live. A way of life without alcohol.
In my early attempts to stay sober I abstained from alcoholism many times, once for as long as 6 months. During those times I never tried the steps, in other words, I didn't treat my problem with the program of AA. If I was lucky and did not drink for awhile, I'd begin to suffer from untreated alcoholism. Symptoms like irritability, depression, anxiety, restlessness, sleeplessness always surfaced. So, when it came to the point where things were unbearable I inevitably drank. It was only until, in desperation, I asked for help and found a wonderful sponsor who did not sugar coat the program or tell me to take it easy and work a step a month. He instructed me to get into action immediately and work the steps as soon as possible. With real alcoholics like me to drink is to die. I have never found any where in the literature that gives instruction to "take your time" with the steps. I have found quite the opposite in fact. For example between the 3rd and 4th step in the book they use the phrase, " next we launched out on a vigorous course of action". Through reading AA history I found that most early AA's did all the steps within weeks. I suspect that's why in those days AA had a 75% success rate; because new members where urged to take the steps soon if they wanted relief, abstinence and recovery.
Here is a quote from one of my favorite AA speakers:
I have never seen anyone get into trouble from working the steps too soon but I have seen many people suffer, drink or die from working them too late or not at all.
Paul M. Illinois
The answer myself and many have found is the 12 step program of AA. Alcoholics Anonymous is a spiritual program which has successfully treated alcoholism for over 75 years. Practicing the 12 step program of AA with support from good solid program based meetings starts the alcoholic on a wonderful journey to a brand new way of life. AA's not only get freedom from alcohol but spirituality, peace and serenity - a new way to live. A way of life without alcohol.
In my early attempts to stay sober I abstained from alcoholism many times, once for as long as 6 months. During those times I never tried the steps, in other words, I didn't treat my problem with the program of AA. If I was lucky and did not drink for awhile, I'd begin to suffer from untreated alcoholism. Symptoms like irritability, depression, anxiety, restlessness, sleeplessness always surfaced. So, when it came to the point where things were unbearable I inevitably drank. It was only until, in desperation, I asked for help and found a wonderful sponsor who did not sugar coat the program or tell me to take it easy and work a step a month. He instructed me to get into action immediately and work the steps as soon as possible. With real alcoholics like me to drink is to die. I have never found any where in the literature that gives instruction to "take your time" with the steps. I have found quite the opposite in fact. For example between the 3rd and 4th step in the book they use the phrase, " next we launched out on a vigorous course of action". Through reading AA history I found that most early AA's did all the steps within weeks. I suspect that's why in those days AA had a 75% success rate; because new members where urged to take the steps soon if they wanted relief, abstinence and recovery.
Here is a quote from one of my favorite AA speakers:
I have never seen anyone get into trouble from working the steps too soon but I have seen many people suffer, drink or die from working them too late or not at all.
Paul M. Illinois
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Hitting Bottom in Alcoholism
It was only in desperation and a quite terrible set of circumstances that I became willing to take the simple steps posed by the AA program. They are simple but seem to run against the grain of many an alcoholic. To evaluate ones resentment/anger/fear/sex issues and derive character defects to discuss with another, to make amends to those harmed, to help other alcoholics. These are tall orders for alcoholics and fly in the face of the way of living we have run ourselves into. In the early days of AA it seemed only last gaspers were the ones who became willing as the dying are to hold onto life preservers. I only hope others can see the bottom before it hits. For me it was homelessness, no money and terrible debt; completely disgusted with myself. I couldn’t see it even though the red flags were waving in my face years before. I hope others can see the red flags early on and become humble enough to ask for help (get a good sponsor) and try the steps. It’s the most readily available solution for the problem, simple but sometimes not easy.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
The AA program not only for Alcoholics
The program of Alcoholics Anonymous has it's origins in the Oxford Groups of early 1900's America. Adapted from the Oxford Groups 6 tenants the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous is now being used to solve any number of addictions and personal failings including but not limited too obesity (OA), gambing (Gamblers Anonymous), cigarette addiction (Nicotine Anonymous) and the list continues to grow.
AA is a spiritual program. It is not a self help program (a popular but inaccurate conception) as the individual is urged to NOT rely on himself to solve the problem but to develop a relationship with a God of his own understanding to solve his or her problem. A very key element in AA is the idea that the individual does not have to "subscribe" to any particular God, but a God of ones own understanding.
I urge anyone seeking a more fulfilling, happier, contented life to try the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Dealing with Depression? Anxiety? Constant worry? Continued anger? All these problems can be relieved through a spiritual awakening attained by the practice of AA's 12 steps.
The 12 step Program is simple but demands some work. It is so simple a summary as brief as this can give the reader a clear idea of how it works.
Alcoholics drink because they have alcoholism. To search for "why" they drink is a fruitless effort if they wish to stop. Those with alcoholism no matter what SELF KNOWLEDGE they may have in the nature of emotions, feelings, inner workings lack internal will to combat the desire to drink. ( see page 26, and read the story " A certain American business man had ability, good sense, and high character )
(A) The problem is Alcoholism
Alcoholism has 2 components.
1) Allergy of the body - manifests itself in a overwhelming compulsion in the alcoholic to consume more alcohol once the first drink is ingested.
2) Obsession of the mind - the alcoholic mind, prior to the first drink "forgets" the pain of the past or "blanks out" the numerous reasons from experience why a drink should not be taken. This thinking AA defines as insanity as it's not sane that alcoholics continue to drink even though countless episodes before have resulted in pain, suffering and the myriad of undesirable problems.
( more examples can be found in the chapter "More about alcoholism")
PLEASE STUDY (not just read) MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
"unmanageable" and "insanity" refer to the lack of choice that the mind of the alcoholic affords concerning whether to drink again
Therefore we see the conclusion:
"The main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind" (page 23 Big Book)
(B) The solution is a spiritual awakening
(read Appendix II from Alcoholics Anonymous) and "There is a solution" chapter of the big book.
The spiritual awakening will give freedom from the Obsession of the mind component of Alcoholism and the alcoholic will find it is almost effortless and automatic to avoid drink. Many believe this to be a miracle which has been granted from a Power Greater than themselves, or Higher Power or the convenient and commonly used term "God".
(C) The plan of action is the 12 steps
To achieve the desired spiritual awakening one only needs to take the 12 steps with as much effort, determination as one can muster and the desired spiritual awakening will be achieved giving freedom from Alcohol and a new way of life which includes peace, happiness and new purpose. The AA Book authors mention being "Rocketed into a Forth Dimension of Existence".
AA is a spiritual program. It is not a self help program (a popular but inaccurate conception) as the individual is urged to NOT rely on himself to solve the problem but to develop a relationship with a God of his own understanding to solve his or her problem. A very key element in AA is the idea that the individual does not have to "subscribe" to any particular God, but a God of ones own understanding.
I urge anyone seeking a more fulfilling, happier, contented life to try the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Dealing with Depression? Anxiety? Constant worry? Continued anger? All these problems can be relieved through a spiritual awakening attained by the practice of AA's 12 steps.
The 12 step Program is simple but demands some work. It is so simple a summary as brief as this can give the reader a clear idea of how it works.
- There is exists a personal issue or problem which one has no will power to combat but wishes to relieve. Problems such as addiction, obsession, habitual criminal behavior, anxiety, depression etc..
- The solution is a spiritual awakening or experience. The spiritual experience will bring about a relationship with God sufficient enough for God to enter ones live and give relief.
- To attain the desired relation with God sufficient to bring about relief one simply just follows the 12 steps which are instructions to bring about the desired spiritual awakening within an individual.
- Summary of the original AA program here.
Alcoholics drink because they have alcoholism. To search for "why" they drink is a fruitless effort if they wish to stop. Those with alcoholism no matter what SELF KNOWLEDGE they may have in the nature of emotions, feelings, inner workings lack internal will to combat the desire to drink. ( see page 26, and read the story " A certain American business man had ability, good sense, and high character )
(A) The problem is Alcoholism
Alcoholism has 2 components.
1) Allergy of the body - manifests itself in a overwhelming compulsion in the alcoholic to consume more alcohol once the first drink is ingested.
2) Obsession of the mind - the alcoholic mind, prior to the first drink "forgets" the pain of the past or "blanks out" the numerous reasons from experience why a drink should not be taken. This thinking AA defines as insanity as it's not sane that alcoholics continue to drink even though countless episodes before have resulted in pain, suffering and the myriad of undesirable problems.
( more examples can be found in the chapter "More about alcoholism")
PLEASE STUDY (not just read) MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
"unmanageable" and "insanity" refer to the lack of choice that the mind of the alcoholic affords concerning whether to drink again
Therefore we see the conclusion:
"The main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind" (page 23 Big Book)
(B) The solution is a spiritual awakening
(read Appendix II from Alcoholics Anonymous) and "There is a solution" chapter of the big book.
The spiritual awakening will give freedom from the Obsession of the mind component of Alcoholism and the alcoholic will find it is almost effortless and automatic to avoid drink. Many believe this to be a miracle which has been granted from a Power Greater than themselves, or Higher Power or the convenient and commonly used term "God".
(C) The plan of action is the 12 steps
To achieve the desired spiritual awakening one only needs to take the 12 steps with as much effort, determination as one can muster and the desired spiritual awakening will be achieved giving freedom from Alcohol and a new way of life which includes peace, happiness and new purpose. The AA Book authors mention being "Rocketed into a Forth Dimension of Existence".
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