Use of profanity in meetings. Acceptable or not? Tolerated or not?

Profanity in the AA fellowship? Acceptable or Not? An essay illustrating the importance of creating a welcoming and comfortable atmosphere for the new commer.

Since about 1993 I've attended AA meetings. Inevitably there are some shares that contain profanity. Occasional profanity is tough to avoid and even with an announcement that it's discouraged in the meeting people will slip. Of course this is understandable. In some cases profanity is not just occasional but consistent. I believe excessive use of profanity, talk of politics, sexual innuendo and other "hot topics" are detrimental to the atmosphere and primary purpose of the AA fellowship and should be discouraged wherever possible.

AA's primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. In most cases these are people new to AA. Mainly people who have never been to an AA meeting or in their first 30 days of abstinence. Our primary purpose is to carry the message of AA. Abstinence from alcohol by recovery from alcoholism through a spiritual awakening brought about by practice of the 12 steps.

AA meetings should, wherever possible, make the newcomer welcome and comfortable without being singled out or put on the spot. We must make our best effort to behave in a manner which everyone commonly agrees would most likely be welcoming and comforting to all who may enter. We can't cater to every personality but we can do our best to cater to most. During meetings, we who have recovered or are in the process of recovering, attempting to be responsible AA members, should demonstrate the spiritual awaking we have achieved or are in the midst of achieving through our behavior and our words.
Sharing our experience strength and hope can easily be done with out expletives, profanity, sexual innuendo or bringing up polarizing political stances or issues.

How does one demonstrate that they have achieved a spiritual awakening and a connection to a Power Greater than themselves through their behavior and words? I have been taught (and most Big Book students would agree) that spirituality revolves around one single and important concept - selflessness. Page 62 of the AA book highlights a very important AA concept.

Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.

If selfishness is the root of our troubles selflessness is surely the solution.


So ultimately selflessness is the essence of spirituality. All manifestations of selflessness in how we behave and in our words are Gods will for us. In Step 6 when we prepare to change and move away from letting character defects rule our behavior we make a concerted effort using OUR WILL to change. Where I may have been dishonest, be honest.  Where I was selfish be more selfless. Where I may have been inconsiderate be more considerate. Where I have hated try to love (sound familiar) The 11th step prayer is a good practical example of how to behave spiritually.

From selflessness grows concern for others, tolerance of others, love for others and RESPECT of others. Use of profanity, sexual innuendo, borderline hate speech, politics or other polarizing topics in meetings jeopardizes are efforts at being respectful and considerate of others feelings, sensitivities, moods etc..

New alcoholics are very sick, skeptical and fragile people. We must do our best to NOT ALIENATE anyone sensitive to profanity, politics, use of sexual innuendo and the like to make our AA meetings the most welcoming and comfortable as possible to anyone who may be at their first AA meeting, new to AA or even new to our group. Our demonstration of spirituality is much more powerful than our talk of spirituality.

We ought to discourage profanity, talk of politics, sexual innuendo or any other polarizing hot topics which may alienate others in an effort to make our meetings comfortable and welcoming to all who may attend.

11th Step Workshop Web Links

 

Web Links to all the 11th Step Workshop Information and Documents.

Go Here To Get All 11th Step Workshop PDF documents

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1NWsg0g0LHJZZSZ63zktSrZ97TM8bDrVM?usp=sharing

Review of the AA program up to step 11

https://neweraspiritual.blogspot.com/2020/02/11-step-workshop-outline.html

Eleventh Step Evening Review directiions pg 86 Alcoholics Anonymous

https://neweraspiritual.blogspot.com/2012/02/aas-morning-and-evening-meditation.html

Eleventh Step Morning Mediation Instructions from pages 86,87,88 AA Book

https://neweraspiritual.blogspot.com/2012/03/aas-morning-and-evening-meditation.html

Morning Meditation Quick Guide

https://neweraspiritual.blogspot.com/2016/06/11th-step-morning-meditation-short-guide.html

Eleventh Step Meditation Instructions from the Twelve and Twelve Book

https://neweraspiritual.blogspot.com/2020/02/eleventh-step-meditation-review-from-12.html

Prayer instructions from the 11th step chapter in the Twelve and Twelve Book

https://neweraspiritual.blogspot.com/2020/02/eleventh-step-guide-to-prayer-as.html

Meditation in the AA early days

http://silkworth.net/dickb/meditation.html

Acceptance. Can I accept without Gods help? My experience is no.

This idea of acceptance is good. I found I need Gods help to learn to accept.

The part of the book, that gets talked about a lot in meetings however is not the program, but from one of the stories. So it's been important for me to understand that. Just learning to accept does not make me a recovered alcoholic. I need a spiritual awakening brought about by doing all 12 steps

Acceptance, I found comes as a result of my relationship with God, not ME learning to accept.

If we look at the serenity prayer.. what are we really asking God for?

"Grant me the serenity to accept"

I need Gods serenity to accept things, because I don't have it within me to completely accept life and all that goes on around me and in the world.

I am sober a long time, but I can still catch a resentment or get in fear just like anyone else, but I have God and the program to continue to grow towards God to help me.

So, in prayer and how I live is how God helps me to accept.  there are no shortcuts I have found. There are many tricks I can use to stay sober early on in my sobriety like just not drink one day at a time, don't drink even if my butt falls off and trying to remember to call another alcoholic if I feel like drinking. these are all great ideas. Trying to accept is another one. But ultimately I do not have the POWER to stay sober permanently on my own.. that's why I need the program of AA and that's why I need a Higher Power, because I lack power myself

I am a regular attendee of The Thailand Sobriety Group Online found here. Please visit to attend our daily Zoom meetings:

https://www.aathailand.info

Eleventh Step Guide to Prayer as described in the Book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

Guide to Prayer from the Twelve and Twelve Book

Chapter Step Eleven
Page 102 p2

Now, what of prayer? Prayer is the raising of the heart and mind to God—and in this sense it includes meditation. How may we go about it? And how does it fit in with meditation? Prayer, as commonly understood, is a petition to God. Having opened our channel as best we can, we try to ask for those right things of which we and others are in the greatest need. And we think that the whole range of our needs is well defined by that part of Step Eleven which says: “...knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” A request for this fits in any part of our day.
 
In the morning we think of the hours to come. Perhaps we think of our day’s work and the chances it may afford us to be useful and helpful, or of some special problem that it may bring. Possibly today will see a continuation of a serious and as yet unresolved problem left over from yesterday. Our immediate temptation will be to ask for specific solutions to specific problems, and for the ability to help other people as we have already thought they should be helped. In that case, we are asking God to do it our way. Therefore, we ought to consider each request carefully to see what its real merit is. Even so, when making specific requests, it will be well to add to each one of them this qualification: “...if it be Thy will.” We ask simply that throughout the day God place in us the best understanding of His will that we can have for that day, and that we be given the grace by which we may carry it out.
 
As the day goes on, we can pause where situations must be met and decisions made, and renew the simple request: “Thy will, not mine, be done.” If at these points our emotional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat to ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to us in our reading or meditation. Just saying it over and over will often enable us to clear a channel choked up with anger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit us to return to the surest help of all—our search for God’s will, not our own, in the moment of stress. At these critical moments, if we remind ourselves that “it is better to comfort than to be comforted, to understand than to be understood, to love than to be loved,” we will be following the intent of Step Eleven.
 
Of course, it is reasonable and understandable that the question is often asked: “Why can’t we take a specific and troubling dilemma straight to God, and in prayer secure from Him sure and definite answers to our requests?
 
”This can be done, but it has hazards. We have seen A.A.’s ask with much earnestness and faith for God’s explicit guidance on matters ranging all the way from a shattering domestic or financial crisis to correcting a minor personal fault, like tardiness. Quite often, however, the thoughts that seem to come from God are not answers at all. They prove to be well-intentioned unconscious rationalizations. The A.A., or indeed any man, who tries to run his life rig-idly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving demand of God for replies, is a particularly disconcerting individual. To any questioning or criticism of his actions he instantly proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance in all matters great or small. He may have forgotten the possibility that his own wishful thinking and the human tendency to rationalize have distorted his so-called guidance. With the best of intentions, he tends to force his own will into all sorts of situations and problems with the comfortable assurance that he is acting under God’s specific direction. Under such an illusion, he can of course create great havoc without in the least intending it.
 
We also fall into another similar temptation. We form ideas as to what we think God’s will is for other people. We say to ourselves, “This one ought to be cured of his fatal malady,” or “That one ought to be relieved of his emotional pain,” and we pray for these specific things. Such prayers, of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they are based upon a supposition that we know God’s will for the person for whom we pray. This means that side by side with an earnest prayer there can be a certain amount of presumption and conceit in us. It is A.A.’s experience that particularly in these cases we ought to pray that God’s will, whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves.


In A.A. we have found that the actual good results of prayer are beyond question. They are matters of knowledge and experience. All those who have persisted have found strength not ordinarily their own. They have found wisdom beyond their usual capability. And they have increasingly found a peace of mind which can stand firm in the face of difficult circumstances.We discover that we do receive guidance for our lives to just about the extent that we stop making demands upon God to give it to us on order and on our terms. Almost any experienced A.A. will tell how his affairs have taken remarkable and unexpected turns for the better as he tried to improve his conscious contact with God. He will also report that out of every season of grief or suffering, when the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons for living were learned, new resources of courage were uncovered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came that God does “move in a mysterious way His wonders to perform.


Excerpts from Twelve and Twelve used under AA fair use policy

Eleventh step meditation guide from the Twelve and Twelve book chapter "Step Eleven"

How to Meditate as taken from the AA book "12 steps and 12 Traditions" chapter Step Eleven

Twelve and Twelve Page 99:
The actual experience of meditation and prayer across the centuries is, of course, immense. The world’s libraries and places of worship are a treasure trove for all seekers. It is to be hoped that every A.A. who has a religious connection which emphasizes meditation will return to the practice of that devotion as never before. 

But what about the rest of us who, less fortunate, don’t even know how to begin? (this was me) 

Well, we might start like this. First let’s look at a really good prayer. We won’t have far to seek; the great men and women of all religions have left us a wonderful supply. Here let us consider one that is a classic. Its author was a man who for several hundred years now has been rated as a saint. We won’t be biased or scared off by that fact, because although he was not an alcoholic he did, like us, go through the emotional wringer. And as he came out the other side of that painful experience, this prayer was his expression of what he could then see, feel, and wish to become:

Eleventh Step Prayer:

“Lord, make me a channel of thy peace—that where there is hatred, I may bring love—that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness—that where there is discord, I may bring harmony—that where there is error, I may bring truth—that where there is doubt, I may bring faith—that where there is despair, I may bring hope—that where there are shadows, I may bring light—that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted—to understand, than to be understood—to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by for-giving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen.”

As beginners in meditation, we might now re-read this prayer several times very slowly, savoring every word and trying to take in the deep meaning of each phrase and idea. 

Here we see how AA suggests to mediate and what their way of mediation is. AA mediation techniques were not taken from the Eastern/Buddhist styles of mediation that became popular in the 1970's. They used biblical mediation practices (refer to the AA mediation history document) The 12 and 12 book was written and published in 1952.  So AA's way of meditation is what is known as CONTEMPLATIVE or CONCENTRATIVE * meditation. This is where one concentrates thoughts on a particular idea or concept. Here we see AA suggesting the same in the 12 and 12. They say they concentrate and deeply "take in" the meaning of the prayer and what it says. They use constructive imagination to apply the ideas of the prayer to their daily lives.

(please see the essay at http://silkworth.net/dickb/meditation.html for excellent information on early AA's meditation techniques)

A great example of this is from the Book "Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers." It explains Dr. Bobs meditation practice.

Dr. Bob’s morning devotion consisted of a short prayer, a 20-minute study of a familiar verse from the Bible, and a quiet period of waiting for directions as to where he, that day, should find use for his talent (Dr. Bob and the Good Old timers, p. 314)

Twelve and Twelve:
It will help if we can drop all resistance to what our friend says. For in meditation, debate has no place. We rest quietly with the thoughts of someone who knows, so that we may experience and learn. As though lying upon a sunlit beach, let us relax and breathe deeply of the spiritual atmosphere with which the grace of this prayer surrounds us. Let us become willing to partake and be strengthened and lifted up by the sheer spiritual power, beauty, and love of which these magnificent words are the carriers. Let us look now upon the sea and ponder what its mystery is; and let us lift our eyes to the far horizon, beyond which we shall seek all those wonders still unseen.

“Shucks!” says somebody. “This is nonsense. It isn’t practical. ”When such thoughts break in, we might recall, a little ruefully, how much store we used to set by imagination as it tried to create reality out of bottles. Yes, we reveled in that sort of thinking, didn’t we? And though sober nowadays, don’t we often try to do much the same thing? Perhaps our trouble was not that we used our imagination. Perhaps the real trouble was our almost total inability to point imagination toward the right objectives. 

So again, here we see AA suggesting using our imagination inspired by the 11th step prayer to think about how we ought to conduct ourselves throughout the day. We think about how we should be in our relationships at home, at work and in our dealings with others. All inspired by the 11th step prayer or other spiritual readings.


Twelve and Twelve:
There’s nothing the matter with constructive imagination; all sound achievement rests upon it. After all, no man can build a house until he first envisions a plan for it. Well, meditation is like that, too; it helps to envision our spiritual objective before we try to move toward it. So let’s get back to that sunlit beach—or to the plains or to the mountains, if you prefer.

When, by such simple devices, we have placed ourselves in a mood in which we can focus undisturbed on constructive imagination, we might proceed like this: Once more we read our prayer, and again try to see what its inner essence is. We’ll think now about the man who first uttered the prayer. First of all, he wanted to become a “channel.” Then he asked for the grace to bring love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being he could.

This idea of bringing love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being he could is at the core of of AA spirituality. It is in how we behave and how we are with others that our spirituality and doing a Higher Power's will is demonstrated. AA spirituality is very much about Faith without works is dead. 

From page 99 of the Big Book:
Now we need more action, without which we find that “Faith without works is dead.” Let’s look at Steps Eight and Nine.

Twelve and Twelve:
Next came the expression of an aspiration and a hope for himself. He hoped, God willing, that he might be able to find some of these treasures, too. This he would try to do by what he called self-forgetting. What did he mean by “self-forgetting,” and how did he propose to accomplish that? He thought it better to give comfort than to receive it; better to understand than to be understood; better to for-give than to be forgiven.

Here we see another example of what AA spirituality is all about. It's again about our behavior with others. How exactly can I attempt to understand than to be understood? Well, personally I find I used to like to talk a lot. I always wanted everyone to listen to ME! But now, as an AA trying to stay recovered the AA way I try to listen more. I make en effort to listen and understand especially if someone is in distress or upset. I'll listen, then perhaps ask questions. A demonstration of selflessness. This is often very useful in working with sponsees which, of course, another important part of the AA program. The 12th step.

Twelve and Twelve
This much could be a fragment of what is called meditation, perhaps our very first attempt at a mood, a flier into the realm of spirit, if you like. It ought to be followed by a good look at where we stand now, and a further look at what might happen in our lives were we able to move closer to the ideal we have been trying to glimpse. Meditation is something which can always be further developed. It has no boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by such instruction and example as we can find, it is essentially an individual adventure, something which each one of us works out in his own way. But its object is always the same: to improve our conscious contact with God, with His grace, wisdom, and love. And let’s always remember that meditation is in reality intensely practical. One of its first fruits is emotional balance. With it we can broaden and deepen the channel between ourselves and God as we understand Him.

* Reference Wikipedia:

In the West, meditation techniques have sometimes been thought of in two broad categories: focused (or concentrative) meditation and open monitoring (or mindfulness) meditation.

Eleventh step workshop AA program review up to step eleven.

  Eleventh step workshop AA program overview.

• Before we get into how to do the 11th step, let's have a quick review of the first ten steps as described in the book Alcoholics Anonymous to find out exactly why the eleventh step is important why it's suggested to be done everyday morning and evening.

First it's important to understand that Alcoholics are powerless to recover from alcoholism by themselves using self discipline. They cannot quit entirely using their own willpower. They've lost control over their drinking. If they did have willpower, by AA's definition they wouldn't be alcoholic. In fact on pages 20-21 this very subject is talked about. The books solution is directed at "real", "true", hopeless and chronic alcoholics. If I had the power to stop drinking on my own I wouldn't need to be here, I wouldn't have needed to do the program. I would not be alcoholic by AA's definition. It would be a matter of just making a decision to moderate or stop altogether and then doing that. The fact is I can't though, and that's what makes me alcoholic.

AA says alcoholism has two parts:
     A) An allergy of the body
     B) An obsession of the mind.

These two things together are the "hopeless state of mind and body" that is referred to in the forward to the first edition of the AA book. Or in other words.. alcoholism.

We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book.

By the way, it's good to note that from this excerpt which is at the very beginning of the book, what the exact purpose of the book is.


The Book Alcoholics Anonymous, states the two part idea of alcoholism over and over and explains alcoholism in about the first 3rd of pages 1 through 164 of the book along with the Doctors opinion.

• The Doctors Opinion chapter explains the allergy of the body and phenomenon of craving part of alcoholism. 
• The first part of the chapter "There is a Solution" and all of "More about Alcoholism" explain the obsession of the mind second part of alcoholism. 

Here are few excerpts, this is from page 44:

"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic."

Also on pg 30: "We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control.

Except in a few rare occasions alcoholics are powerless over alcohol; they lack the power to quit entirely on their own.

The whole idea behind the AA 12 step program of recovery is to find Power to get relief and recover from alcoholism. Well what kind of power? From where? Many of us who have been around AA know the answer already. A Power Greater then ourselves. The Big Book states.

Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? Well, that’s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.

So let's quickly go over the steps till we get to eleven.

Roughly speaking the steps are grouped into 3 parts.

• Steps One, Two and Three are preparation steps to start on the path to a spiritual awakening and a connection with a Power Greater than ourselves. 

1. I admit I have alcoholism and am powerless to treat the illness my self.
2. Believe that some kind of Higher Power can relieve my alcoholism.
3. Decide to try a Higher Powers way and in making a decision to do so demonstrating the decision has been made by taking action and doing the rest of the steps. (reference the 12 and 12 3rd step essay)

• Steps Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight and Nine are the initial work, action and effort to "seek" God. Just as the ABC's illustrate in "How it Works" read at most meetings.

4. Make a moral inventory to try to uncover our character defects and how they show up and sometimes run our lives. We look at how they surface in what we do and how we behave and have behaved. In this way we uncover the character defects that are blocking us from God. (top of pg 64 AA book)

5. Admit to God, ourselves and another person what we've discovered in the forth step inventory and with the help of God and that other person, find out more about what may be blocking us (through advice, and another persons, (usually our sponsors) perspective on our inventory)

6. and 7. Now with the list of character defects from steps 4 and 5 and how they have shown up in our lives we make an effort to change. We try to not let the character defects, resentments or fear come out in our lives and actually try to live in the opposite direction. For example, where I was dishonest in the past. Be honest. We make an effort with Gods help to change and be more like God would have us be. My sponsor likes to say steps 6 and 7 are about action into right thinking through Gods help. God sees we are making the effort and changes us to the point where are thinking is more aligned with Gods simple will for us.

8. Make a list of ALL people we have harmed in the past and get willing to make amends to them all. (self explanatory) We list anybody we've hurt, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially etc..

9. Go to those people and make reparations, amends, apologies and try to our best to correct our mistakes unless it might harm someone else in the process.

• Steps 10, 11 and 12 are a continuation and routine of steps one through 9. They are meant as a routine we follow where ever and whenever possible. With steps 10 and 11 meant to be a daily routine.

10. Step 10 is easily summed up. On AA Book page 84:2 Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code. So this is a continuation of steps 4,5,6 and 7.

Now onto step Eleven. Through looking at pages 85,86,87 and 88 of the Book Alcoholics anonymous we discover just what Bill W. and the original AA's did to practice this step.


AA Morning Meditation Explained
  

Solutions for resentments 4th step

1) New perspective and attitude towards others -- perhaps the people who wronged us were spiritually sick

Big Book page 66 and 67:

This  was  our  course:  We  realized  that  the  people  who   wronged   us   were   perhaps   spiritually   sick. Though  we  did  not  like  their  symptoms  and  the  way  these  disturbed  us,  they,  like  ourselves,  were  sick  too.  We  asked  God  to  help  us  show  them  the  same  toler­ance,  pity,  and  patience  that  we  would  cheerfully  grant  a  sick  friend.  When  a  person  offended  we  said  to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to  him?  God  save  me  from  being  angry.  Thy  will  be  done.’’ We  avoid  retaliation  or  argument.  We  wouldn’t  treat  sick  people  that  way.  If  we  do,  we  destroy  our  chance  of  being  helpful.  We  cannot  be  helpful  to  all  people,  but  at  least  God  will  show  us  how  to  take  a  kindly  and  tolerant  view  of  each  and  every  one. 


2) Unofficial 4th column from the Big Book:

Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the  wrongs  others  had  done,  we  resolutely  looked  for  our  own  mistakes.  Where  had  we  been  selfish,  dis­honest,  self-seeking  and  frightened? Though  a  situa­tion  had  not  been  entirely  our  fault,  we  tried  to  disregard  the  other  person  involved  entirely. Where  were  we  to  blame? The  inventory  was  ours,  not  the  other  man’s.  When  we  saw  our  faults  we  listed  them.  We  placed  them  before  us  in  black  and  white.  We  admitted  our  wrongs  honestly  and  were  willing  to  set  these  matters  straight.  

(see the last part of this post for questions to ask ourselves in filling out he 4th column of the inventory resentment list)

3) From my personal experience:

Looking at our resentments on paper can sometimes bring out their "childishness" or "silliness". Pop the balloon at how immature our resentments and anger can be. I look at what I've written and say to myself what a brat and jerk I have been to harbor such a resentment.

4) The famous "pray for the person you resent" part of one of the stories.

4th column questions:

A) Where was I not considering that others toward whom I felt resentful were "perhaps spiritually sick". Was I inconsiderate, not understanding or acknowledging that they may lack the ability to be the people I think they should be? Have I been DISHONEST with myself in thinking that people who I resent could do or say exactly the way I think they should? Were my expectations unrealistic that this person would be anybody else than who they or are capable of being?

B) What decisions based on self put me in a situation to be resentful or have to even deal with the person for whom I have resentment. 

Example: resentful at police for my DUI. 

My wrongs in the 4th column: being a selfish alcoholic and despite all warnings of society drinking to excess and not thinking of others in the form of neglecting responsibilities and causing trouble for others) If I had not been driving drunk I would never have gotten the DUI and not have the resentment toward the police now.

Character defect: Selfish, self centered (drank because I wanted to feel the way I wanted to feel despite the consequences to others)

Decisions based on self are decisions which involve trying to satisfy the basic instincts illustrated in the beginning of the Step 4 Essay in the 12 and 12 Book. (see page 62 in the AA Book, first full paragraph to for the origin of this concept)

The 3 Human Instincts

1. Security instinct (Material and emotional)
   
2. Social instinct ( having friends and relationships or social prestige.) Social prestige is about holding or ambitions to hold a position/title within a social group, such as a leader, manager, VP, chairperson etc. The desire to feel prestige in any social group we belong to. Could be the AA fellowship, a position at work or a position within any kind of social club.
   
3. Sex instinct ( the desire to keep sexual relations or ambitions to have sexual relations)

Many times alcoholics and non-alcoholics make decisions based on fulfillment of these instincts (based on self) without fully considering all the possible problems. The fulfillment of these instincts can be so strong (self centered) that the decisions are made hastily without regard to possible problems because the person is solely thinking of fulfillment of one two or all of them. (making the decision based on self) Later these hasty or poorly made decisions may put them into positions to be resentful or in fear.

So we ask ourselves. Did I make a decision in the past trying to fulfill one two or all of the instincts hastily without fully considering problems (red flags) that may occur as a result of the decision. If so then my wrong or character defect is revealed in the motivation behind the decision.

Another example. I resent my wife, she cheated on me. 

4th column: I made made a bad decision in marrying her in the first place. Before I married her I ignored possible problems because she was so beautiful and made me look good to my friends. I ignored her bad temper, her rudeness to people at times. I let it slide when I caught her occasionally lying to me and her friends and went ahead and married her anyway. She was so beautiful and all my friends thought I was a badass to have her as a wife (fulfilling my sexual instinct and my social prestige). So I went ahead an married her even though the red flags were there that she wasn't very honest and kind at times.  It should be no surprise that she cheated on me. She showed me what kind of person she was long before we got married but I ignored the red flags because she was so beautiful and I liked the attention I got from my friends about her.

Character defects: Lazy: didn't leave her even though the red flags were there. Afraid: thought there would never be another one like her for me. Lust: she was so beautiful and the sex was amazing. Pride: I loved the praise from my friends about my beautiful wife.

C) What wrong(s) did I do to the other person that made them retaliate and create resentment towards them? What wrongs had I done to them that had them turn around and mess with me and then be resentful at them for it?

 

My personal experience with the A, B, C's

a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. 

• I can't stop drinking myself and so therefore alcoholic. My life is unmanageable because while drinking I keep messing it up

 

b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.

• I tried and tried on my own human power to stop drinking and I couldn't. I also tried going to lots of meetings and depending on other humans to stop drinking, it worked for awhile longer but I still drank again.

 

c) That God could and would if he were sought.

• Finally I broke down and stopped thinking my ideas worked for solving my drinking problem. I surrendered in an AA meeting, asked for help and got a sponsor who took my through the steps. From there I stayed sober and been sober the last 26 years... How do we seek God in AA? It's simple. 

DO THE STEPS!!

My experience and understanding of Step 1

In the AA Book the instruction for taking the 1st step can be found on the first page of the chapter "More about alcoholism."

Here is the instruction and what they found they needed to do:

"We learned we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic. This is the first step in recovery."

Many assume that the summary of step 1 found on the list of the 12 steps gives the instruction for taking the step. It does - to a point. But if one does not read all of the Big Book from the Doctors Opinion through to the end of the chapter "More about Alcoholism"  then a thorough knowledge of what AA says alcoholism isn't gained. If one does not thoroughly understand what AA says alcoholism is it will be difficult to fully conceded one has the condition. If somebody doesn't understand that the condition of alcoholism as AA describes it is an allergy of the body coupled with a mental obsession they may not understand how dangerous a condition they might have and fail to be motivated to carry out all the 12 steps.

  I hear people in some meetings make the mistake of dwelling on unmanageability and how their lives were unmanageable. This sometimes happens when only looking at the summary of step 1 "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable" This is not the instruction for taking step l.

This is a mistake in that the point is missed about how truly hopeless the condition of alcoholism is. "The Doctors Opinion" through to the end of "More About Alcoholism"  make clear that they see alcoholism as a two fold disease of mind and body. An allergy of the body coupled with an obsession of the mind. Alcoholism is a dangerous condition and AA say's it's hopeless and chronic.

The 1st step instruction again is:
"We learned we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic.

So to take the first step is simple. It is just conceding (or admitting) to myself through and through that I have alcoholism. Or fully conceding to my innermost self that I have alcoholism - as alcoholism it is described in the Big Book. Anybody with this hopeless condition usually has an unmanageable life. What alcoholic truly in the cups of alcoholism has a manageable life? Any alcoholic who has tried on their own know they also cannot manage their drinking by themselves.

So, again, how can anyone fully admit that they have a condition unless they understand it? In the beginning I certainly understood how much trouble my drinking caused me, but that is not the same as understanding that I have the condition (or illness) called alcoholism. ( I don't call it a disease here because in the Big Book it is not called a disease)

What I have learned by studying the book is about the first 3rd of the first 164 pages talks about alcoholism as an allergy of the body coupled with a mental obsession of the mind.

I have this same problem and this is how it works:

1) when I drink I cannot control the amount I take. (this is the allergy of the body part of alcoholism which produces a craving once I start to drink)

2) Once my drinking became a problem and I tried to completely abstain, I found I could not do it for very long; at most about 6 months and during those dry months I really suffered from alcoholism. When dry, my untreated alcoholism had symptoms like anxiety, depression, restlessness, irritability, discontentment and fear. If something happened during that time that was too much to take what would I do? I'd go back to what I know gives me the instant comfort -- drinking (and drugs). (This is the mental obsession part of alcoholism and how it works in me)

I found that through doing the 12 steps and thus, seeking a Higher Power, I got freedom and was saved from this problem of body and mind that the Big Book says is alcoholism.

Over 26 years and counting, my life has never been better. I've retired early, don't want for anything. I have a lot of time to help new alcoholics which is one of the most rewarding things I do with my life.